I am characteristically irritable today. And I choose to vent it out. I ranted at a friend so much, she asked if I had PMS. It really doesn't get worse.


It's been a day since I've reached campus. And it feels strangely dead. Somehow devoid of energy. It's still pretty, all right. But in a dumb, Claudia Schiffer kind of way. Not the blisteringly intelligent turn-on beauty of a...umm, never mind. There's very little buzzing activity around. Everyone is just going through the routine. Attending lectures, eating, sleeping (mostly in class), listening to music.


And yet something important is very unlike itself.


IP Messenger was always (always) buzzing with activity. It was characteristic of the irrepressible energy on campus. It was always there, in that little corner of the screen, blinking away, demanding attention, seducing one to give up the project report due the next day and indulge in some mindless inanity.


IP had character. It had a culture. Written rules. And unwritten ones. IP could locate people, songs, movies and TV serial episodes. Rare songs, bizarre movies, and never-before-seen footage from various events were all there on IP. Waiting to be discovered, shared, and savoured.


IP had a sense of humour. It was witty. It could pun. Sarcastic, bitchy, nasty. Naughty, innocent and juvenile at times. Entertaining always.


There was competition on IP. The site of some famous spam wars, IP saw many a monumental battle fought between PGP08 and PGP09. All of it somewhat dwindled when PGP09 and PGP10 were together on campus, but we still had a historic battle in which PGP09 was RIP-ped apart mercilessly.


All of it seems to be falling apart rather quickly, though. I've been looking for a song, an album, a movie, and one episode (any one) of a famous TV series since morning today. I've found nothing.


We are the seniors now. I am feeling a little lost, to be honest. Somewhat rudderless. I don't know about the batch. Most people wouldn't accept it, really. But we're still finding our feet, coming to terms with the fact that a lot of people are soon going to be looking up to us for a lot of answers…


…and songs. And movies. And TV series. I'm not disappointed because I've not found what I was looking for. Just sad that I found nothing at all. No smart-alecy retorts. No sarcasm. Not a single snide remark. No character. No humour. No life. Just a stupid icon in the corner of my screen. That refuses to blink.


We're still just about finding our feet. We've not discovered our Deb Bhai yet, who'd bring out any Hindi song from any part of the universe - you just had to ask. Or our Arkaprabha Ray, who'd do the same with any English song. Or our Senti, who had the most bizarre collection of sports clips (talk of micro-segmentation). Or Brajesh, who was looking for his 'half-white, half-sleeved, full kurtha'. Or Bond, who'd have documentaries on every topic under the sun. And then some.


PGP09 had character. And they lent it to IP. We've not discovered character yet. Maybe we will. Maybe we won't. Maybe things will get better. Maybe they're meant to get worse batch after batch.


I'm sitting here trying hard to get IP to work. Pumping in what I can. I feel like a helpless doctor with shock pads (!) who is trying hard to revive a dead man. It's not working. At least not yet.


Word flies around that the new batch is all black and white and grey. Wonder if we're going from bad to worse. And whether darker, gloomier times lie up ahead. Time will tell, of course. The days in between are painful, meanwhile. And some times depressing. Enough to drive a perfectly normal guy to PMS :)