For all their bravado on the field, these sissies are the first chaps to start shitting bricks in their trousers whenever a firecracker goes off 10,000 miles away.

A most predictable turn of events is likely to follow. Captain Sissy Ponting (is he still in the team?) will rear his ugly head and want to protect the rest of his 14 sissies by calling press conferences and telling all and sundry how scared they all are, looking at the current situation in India. A few days later, his Monkeyness, Andrew Sissymonds will call a press conference of his own and cry monkey tears about dropping out of an important tour because he fears for his life.

Perhaps the Ausissies should realise that their lives are in danger in India in any case; they don't look like the most loved creatures in India in any case.

Why should we even be inviting these impotent imbeciles for a tour in the first place. If only the BCCI itself had a spine rather than an incurable infatuation with rustling currency notes.

One wonders (and many have wondered in the past) if they're overcome by the same sense of overpowering fear of things that explode when they land up here to earn their millions of dollars of hard cash playing in the IPL for a month.